“you shouldn’t be depressed, people have it worse than you”
finally, after years of searching, the person with the worst life ever is found. formally, they are granted permission to be sad. but only them. only they have earned it. no sads for anyone else at all ever
(via theblackship)
GET IGNORED SO MUCH BITCHES CALL ME TERMS AND CONDITIONS
at least you get accepted no matter what
that’s the most uplifting thing i’ve seen all day
(Source: stevebrule, via theblackship)
Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?…No you hang up first! Hello? 911?
(via theblackship)
I’m legitimately amazed at the fact that women can actually grow a person in their uterus without even trying
and then the people CRAWL OUT OF THEIR VAGINA
COVERED IN ECTOPLASM
AND NO ONE EVEN TRIES TO KILL IT LIKE THAT’S A COMPLETELY NORMAL OCCURRENCE FOR USI don’t think the person writing this realizes that they crawled out of a uterus once
I was a C section check your privilege
(via theblackship)
Hearing what your voice sounds like recorded, and realizing that’s what everybody hears when you talk.
(via theblackship)
“my real name is…. matt smith.”
the doctor takes off his jacket and bowtie to reveal his real self. he has been a human actor all along. the fourth wall is broken. the fandom is in chaos.
(via theblackship)
It’s like the olympic closing ceremony…
funny story about these, i had a red one on my birthday and everyone was like “wow this is the coolest fucking thing ever” and it plays music and all that, but when it came to actually eating the cake and taking the candle out, there was no off switch, so we had to smash it to pieces in the back garden to shut it up. turns out if you smash it up the music box still works. when i was in bed at 3am i could hear something so i opened the window, and it sounded like a tune you would hear in a horror movie before someone gets their body ripped to shreds and eaten. sleep well munchkins. you dont want this fucking thing.
^^^^^^^^MY MOTHER BOUGHT THIS FOR ME WHEN I TURNED 14 IT DIDNT STOP PLAYING WE DROWNED IT FOR 5 HOURS AND IT STARTED PLAYING THE SECOND YOU TOOK IT OUT OF THE WATER MY BROTHER SMASHED IT AGAINST THE WALL 5 TIMES IT DIDNT STOP MY MOTHER THREW IT OUT 3 BLOCKS AWAY
i love how every single time i see this there’s a new horror story about this candle
(Source: bored-im, via theblackship)
mynightmaresareaboutlosingyou:
In real life, when people realise you have an obsession with something:
On tumblr, EVERYONE has an obsession. So we’re just like:
I’m really more of a
kind of person
(via theblackship)
